Bringing a new life into the world can be a magical experience, but it also comes with a whirlwind of emotions and responsibilities. As a new mom, it's common to put tremendous pressure on yourself to do everything right, often neglecting your own well-being in the process. Along with the unbelievable joy and love, it can also be overwhelming and stressful. Looking back, there are a few things I wish I had allowed myself to do guilt-free after having my baby.
1. Take Time to Heal
One of the biggest and most important things I wish I had allowed myself to do is take time to heal.
Being my stubborn self, I was out running errands and meeting with contractors the day we left the hospital, a six-inch incision still bandaged and oozing on my stomach.
I never took time to heal and relax after we brought Sawyer home from the hospital. I was constantly on the go, driven by the misconception that I still had to "do it all".
I had just given birth via C-Section, and I was acting like nothing had changed, that my body didn't need to have time to heal, and that my heart and brain didn't need time to adjust to being a mamma.
I wish I had allowed myself time to lay in bed and heal. To simply cuddle, feed, love, and enjoy my baby without any other responsibilities or expectations.
2. Trust Your Instincts
As a new mom, it's easy to doubt yourself. It is easy to let others convince you that things are ok, even if your "mommy intuition" is telling you that it's not. You may be afraid of being "that mom" that overreacts or maybe someone in your life is making you feel like you are making a big deal over nothing.
Looking back, I wish I had given myself permission to trust my instincts and be a better advocate for my baby and myself.
I remember feeding my baby for the first time in the hospital and turning to my husband and saying that something didn't seem right. He was hungry and greedily trying to drink, then he would make these noises, push the bottle away (my milk never came in), and scream. It looked like he was almost choking.
I brought it up to the nurses and the doctors, but I listened to them when they told me everything was fine with the way my baby was eating. That he would "figure it out and get the hang of it." On top of this, he just cried his little eyes out all day long. He would cry so long and so hard that he would actually turn purple. His poor little body hard as a board as he screamed, completely inconsolable.
Every time we had any follow-up visits with his pediatrician over the next seven weeks, I brought this up. Every time I was told that it was "normal".
By the end of the seventh week, I locked myself in my closet after passing off the baby to my husband and sobbed for over an hour. I was suffering from severe postpartum depression, completely exhausted, overwhelmed, frustrated, scared and I KNEW that something wasn't right with my baby. I KNEW that this couldn't be normal.
I walked into the pediatrician's office the next day and I made noise. I made a lot of noise. They FINALLY listened. And you know what? I was right.
My baby had severe colic and was unable to digest the formula/breast milk that he was eating. His poor stomach was distended with gas, and he was in tremendous pain. He was put on a special formula to help him out. In addition to that (yes there is more!) my baby had never formed his "suck, swallow, breath reflex" (also called the Reflexive Pharyngeal Swallow) that babies form at 34 weeks gestation. This means that every time he was trying to eat, he was, you guessed it, choking on the milk. We ended up having to change the way we fed him to make sure that he wasn't choking.
Between the change in feeding position and the change in formula, he became a much happier baby. And I became calmer and more confident in my ability to be a mamma.
Remember, you know your baby best, and your intuition is a powerful tool. Don't be afraid to follow your gut when it comes to making decisions for your child.
3. Take Time for Self-Care
Self-care often takes a backseat when you become a new parent. Somehow taking time to have a decent shower and combing your hair seems selfish and unnecessary. But that couldn't be further from the truth, it's crucial for your mental and physical well-being. Whether it's a relaxing bath, a quick workout, taking some time to read a book, or some time with the Bible and God, taking time for yourself is not selfish—it's necessary.
Even now, almost four years into being a mamma this is something that I struggle with. At the end of the day when you're tired and running on empty, it's easy to not take care of yourself. I sometimes find myself not putting on my face lotion or not taking my vitamins, among other things. Little things, I know, but they add up.
Now when I start to feel myself being overwhelmed, overstimulated, or more easily angered I realize that I need to set aside some self-care time. I do this not only for me but for my family.
It took me a long time to understand and remember, you can't pour from an empty cup.
4. Ask for Help
Not only do I wish I had more freely accepted help from others, but I wish I had set healthy boundaries, even with my loved ones.
In retrospect, I should have relinquished control and let my husband help more around the house, instead of constantly saying "I'm fine. I've got it". I should have also set boundaries with everyone (including my husband) and just said, "I'm unavailable" and let myself heal and rest and bond with my baby. The dishes and laundry were not important, and I didn't NEED to do it. That was stuff that others could do.
Fathers also have a lot of changes and find it hard to find their place in this new dynamic. I don't want to minimize the effects of having a baby has on them, however, as a mother, so much is changing in our bodies and our lives while we are pregnant and after we give birth. Postpartum depression is real, and it can be debilitating. Knowing you need help and accepting that help doesn't mean you're failing as a parent or a wife.
This is essential to remember. Asking for and receiving help and setting healthy boundaries is a sign of strength, not weakness.
5. Celebrate Small Wins
In the chaos of caring for a newborn, it's easy to overlook the small victories that happen every day. Whether it's successfully breastfeeding, getting your baby to sleep through the night, or even just managing to take a shower, celebrate these small wins. Recognizing and celebrating your accomplishments, no matter how small, can have a profound impact on your mental well-being.
As a new mom, it's crucial to remember that it's okay not to have all the answers and that it's okay to cut yourself some slack. Giving yourself permission to prioritize self-care, trust your instincts, and accept help are all essential steps in navigating the early days of motherhood. Remember, you are doing an incredible job, and it's okay to give yourself the grace you deserve.
So, to all the new moms out there, remember to be kind to yourself, celebrate your victories, and embrace the journey of motherhood with all its ups and downs. You've got this!
Comments